Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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