So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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