My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
