I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
