She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
