Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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