Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
