Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
