My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
