So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
