At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize