3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
