through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
