I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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