mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
