he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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