Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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