I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
