Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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