FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
