Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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