remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
