So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
