You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
