There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
