you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
