mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize