Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
