i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
