So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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