kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
