i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
