I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
