This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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