I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
