he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
