If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
