with your own penis?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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