Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
