I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
