think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dick has a subreddit
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
