Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry my hands just texted you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
