I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize