i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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