She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
