I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize