Cold hands, warm shart.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
