Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
