So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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