i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
