I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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