Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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