he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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