STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
