If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
