M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
