does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
