I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
