I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
