We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
