So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I could make wine with my vomit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
