I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
