i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
