you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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