we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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