She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
