We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
