even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
