I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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