Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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