Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
