No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
