Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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