She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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