The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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