Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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