You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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