she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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