she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
