I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
