wanna go halves on a baby?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
