Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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