I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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