she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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