he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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