My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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