My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
