Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
