Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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