Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
