i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
