I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
