You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
