I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
