just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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