we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
