My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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