Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he puts the penis in happiness.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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