I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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