It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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