I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
even my farts smell like vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
