how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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