Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
