Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
